Making Cancer History

New News

2009-07-12T11:38:00.001-07:00

I'm happy to say that my doctor's appointment right after my Florida trip went really well. My PET scan had no "shadowed spots," which basically means no cancerous cells. And what's more, I don't have to go back to MDA until October, which is fantastic. That will be the longest I've ever gone without going to the hospital in over a year now. If I can go one year from this past April, my doctor says it will not come back--and as we've gone over before, she's a genius so what she says is the truth. Dr. Thomas gave me a hug, which I know doesn't sound too weird, but if you only knew her. She's not a huggy type of person, so I was a little shocked when she did. Those of you who know me, know that I like to hug, so I was A-Ok with it. That's the latest news on the cancer front. On the more exciting life front, I went back to school for four weeks to take my very first nursing class--Health Assessment. I was basically learning about everything they used to do to me in the hospital, why they did it, what it showed, etc, etc. Crazy. Needless to say, I got an A. Don't get me wrong though, it was pretty hard. At least it was hard to focus and study. Dr. Thomas told me that I was going to have to retrain my mind how to study--and was she right. I still have a hard time remembering words, or what I like to call "word searching." I know what I want to say, I just forget it. It's the most frustrating thing ever, and I was already bad at it before. It's only gotten worse, but hopefully with time it will get better. Other than that though, I am doing pretty well. Physically I'm doing better, Kari Ann tells me that I don't look quite as "soft" (or in other words completely devoid of muscle). I haven't been sick either, minus some nasty sinus problems. Some people still seem to think I'm in danger of getting sick, but not so. My blood counts are back up, minus my platelets. Dr. Thomas says they'll probably stay a little below normal for a quite a while, if not forever. I guess I better not get any big cuts or anything, seeing as how platelets are what clot your blood to make you stop bleeding.

Right now I'm in Portland, Oregon, visiting my sister and brother-in-law--kari ann and bryan. I've never been west of Colorado, and I will say that I like it a lot. We've gone berry picking, walked on the beach, had a gin tasting party, cooked dinner, and I've been drinking a whole lot of coffee. Coffee is a big thing here, what with being so close to Seattle, and I l-o-v-e my coffee. People in Portland are a different breed. Anything goes here. I like that. No one stares at me and my now incredibly short hair. Whereas in Texas, people look at me like I'm crazy or worse...in disapproval, and I'm sure I don't have to say why. I went out with a couple friends in Waco, and actually got hit on by a girl. That was a first. Dr. Thomas told me she liked my short hair. She said it looked good with my face, and like I said earlier--what she says is the truth, haha. Back to Portland, the coast was exactly what you would expect. It was misty, overcast and cold, but absolutely beautiful. I've never seen a beach quite like it, and I've seen quite a few beaches. The best part of this trip is getting to hang out with my sister and Bryan, and being able to go out and do stuff. No more sitting inside all day for this girl--no thank you. I like Portland, with all it's outdoorsy, eclectic, adventurous and easy going people. I go back home in a couple of days, then in a week I head out for Boston and my grandfather's lake house in New Hampshire. I just need to go to Southern California now, and I will have made it to all the four corners of the United States in one summer. Anyways, I'm about to go for a walk around Portland with KA and Bryan, but I hope that catches everyone up on how I'm doing. Thanks for keeping up with me :)

Signing off...

Kendall

MIA

2009-05-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

Kendall is MIA.
Don't worry though because this action is good. I'm in sunshiny Florida, losing the oh-so-white ghost look. I no longer am super pale--a side effect of staying indoors for seven months. This is going to be super short because I'm exhausted, but I'll give you the quick low down.
I'm feeling A LOT better. I've been walking everyday with my dad, which is really good because I was very easily fatigued before I came. Now I'm doing a lot better, but I guess it helps when you're walking on the beach. I got my CVC (central venous catheter=the tube in my chest) taken out before I came to Florida. I have taken long showers everyday since then. I'm still on some meds, five to be exact--anti viral, magnesium, potassium, and a couple for my stomach. I go back in for another appointment on the 26th, four days after I get back from Florida. After that I have to go back every two weeks so that my doctor can keep an eye on my lymph node--the one that made me look like I had three cheeks back in October. Hopefully these frequent visits will slow up in a couple of months, but as it is, I'm going to have to fly from Dallas to Houston every two weeks. Oh yea, I'm going to school in Dallas for summer I (june 2nd to july 7th). I'll be taking several trips during summer II, then I'll start the fall semester in August. These are all my plans, but as I've learned, my plans and Gods plans don't always coincide so I guess we'll see how it all goes. I'm not going to reflect on anything in particular in this post--that one will come later. Right now the bed is calling my name. All this walking and sitting out in the sun by the beach is really tiring...(sigh). Maybe I'll stay forever.
God is good.

The Final Lap

2009-04-08T21:04:00.001-07:00

First things first...
Kari Ann and Bryan flew in from Portland two weekends ago, and I was able to spend four days with my sister. Kolby had a dance competition in Houston that that weekend, so she and my dad came down as well. My eighth and final round started last Tuesday. I think my feelings were mixed as I got the call saying that my bed was ready at the hospital. Part of me wanted to wait until Kari Ann left so that we could spend our last day together doing something fun, part of me wanted to get in there and just get it over with. Story of my life, but you can’t really put off the inevitable. My mom, sister and I watched Baylor lose to Penn State that evening, Kari Ann stayed the night with me at the hospital although I doubt she really slept well, and then she had to pack up the next afternoon to catch a flight home. I hate good-byes, and I especially hate saying good bye to my big sis and best friend.
After Kari Ann left I was back in normal hospital mode—staying up until 3 am, waking up every couple of hours for blood testing/vitals/etc, and then sleeping until lunch. I swear, my nurses probably think I’m crazy. Like I said a long time ago, the hospital just doesn’t sleep and neither do the patients. I did have the sweetest little nurse from the Philippines; her name was Michelle. She told me (more than once) that she would be praying for me. My last day in the hospital was Saturday. Kara and Emmy Jo (2 of the greatest/craziest girls ever) drove down from Waco to celebrate my last chemo hospital stay. We ate at Free Birds (Kara had a major craving) went to a movie, baked some treats, played Disney’s Scene It and then they had to go back to Baylor on Sunday—a short but much needed visit. They definitely boosted my spirits for my final weeks in Houston. Since they’ve left it’s been me and my mom hanging out, doing what we do best—shopping and watching Law and Order. I’m only kidding about the shopping, dad.
I had my 16th and final lumbar puncture yesterday. I am SO happy to be finished with those. I got used to them, but let’s face it, nobody in their right mind enjoys having a needle stuck in their spine. Seriously…yuck. I must say though, I have a pretty cool scar on my lower back. This might be tmi, but I got some really weird skin reaction on the backs of my hands which thankfully is starting to clear up. My doctor thinks it was photosensitivity—or photosynthesis if you’re my mom (love you momma). In normal people terms—it’s a mixture of chemo and too much exposure to sunlight resulting in a red burn-like rash that hurts like the dickens. So dad, next time we sit outside of Starbucks for two hours, remind me to put on some SPF. In other more interesting news, my mom now has a Facebook (dad got one about a month ago), and I taught her how to “facebook stalk.” This could be potentially dangerous (at least for me).
I have to stick around Houston for another 2 weeks or so for blood transfusions and for any other problem that could come up. I don’t really feel like it’s over yet, and I probably won’t until we’re loading the moving van or they take out the tube in my chest—that should be interesting. Until then though, I’m still in my MD Anderson world of yucky chemo side effects (but hallelujah for no more chemo), bloodwork, transfusions, and such.
For those of you who don’t know, on both rounds 4 and 6, I had to go to the ER thus landing me in the hospital for an extra 5 days of IV antibiotics. I was looking up the dates and saw that I got sick on day 14 (remember each round has 21 days) of both rounds. I am trying to take good care of myself with the hope that I won’t have anymore inpatient stays. Please pray that God will protect my body from infection and illness.
Tomorrow I go in for my routine blood work and then to see my doctor (she wanted to check on my nasty hands). Dr. Thomas jokingly asked me last week what I was going to do without her. It took me a second to think before I told her I was going back to my normal life. We laughed, but it made me think about how “normal” life will be. My friend Kara asked me last weekend if I feel like I’ve changed any. I said yes, but I couldn’t tell her exactly how. This is the conclusion that I’ve come to—I may go back and resume “normal life:” friends, family, church, school, etc, but I am not going to go back the same person I was before.

The Beginning of the End

2009-03-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

ROUND 7

It’s about 1:30 am, Wednesday morning. I’m up, grudgingly, as the steroids have taken full affect. My fate is to lie in bed for hours, tossing and turning in my inability to sleep, so I have decided to do something productive with this free “uninterrupted” time. “Uninterrupted” is used loosely of course.
I guess I’ll start with my Spring Break. On Thursday, after my early morning appointments, my mom and I drove down to my grandparents’ lakehouse for a little vacation before coming back in for round 7 on Tuesday. Thankfully, my dad and Kolby made it down on Friday, and my entire family (minus Kari Ann and Bryan—obviously) was able to spend 2 full days and 2 half days together. My cousin Lyle was at my grandparents—I hadn’t seen him in a year and a half, and the day that he left, my friend Lauren came to spend two days at the lake with us. I felt so blessed to be surrounded by the people I love the most, and amazingly, we were all together at the same time. I came home Monday in the late afternoon, had dinner and dessert with eight sorority sisters and just great friends who came to visit. Now I’m in the hospital. So far nothing worth noting has happened minus getting re-stitched—which hardly qualifies as eventful. I must move around a lot in my sleep or something because two stitches holding the CVC (central venous catheter) to my chest finally pulled out—whoops. I got shot with some novocain, and was painlessly stitched back up. Thank the Lord for modern medicine—I mean that in all seriousness. I don’t understand how people hundreds of years ago dealt with pain. I guess a lot of brandy or any other kind of hard liquor (so I’ve seen in the movies and read in books).
I know in my blog from February 28th, I mentioned a little bit about other patients I’ve encountered here at MDA. I really want to share Tana’s story with you all. I first met her while we were both in the hospital celebrating the New Year. Tana is a sweet yet feisty, small and very self-confident 25 year-old girl or rather young woman. She has AML. She first had it four years ago, and after a long and grueling bout of chemo, she went into remission. AML is not like the cancer that I have. You basically fight it until you go into remission—no 8 round/6 month timeline like mine, and then you just pray that it doesn’t come back. About two weeks before hurricane Ike hit, Tana had just started a great new job, was excitedly making final preparations for her wedding, but she also started to feel sickly. She ignored it, thinking that there was too much going on in her life to worry. She was married in Houston on the day of Hurricane Ike—brave girl, two weeks later she went to MDA to get tested only to find out that the cancer had come back. She had to quit her job; she had to start new treatments, not to mention play her new role as a wife. The doctors told her that her best bet was to have a bone marrow transplant. They eventually found her a match, but he backed out at the last minute, and now they are in search of a new donor. I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of fear and pain that Tana and her family must be feeling—to have an open-ended amount of treatment that didn’t work, only to be let down by a flakey donor. Through it all, she and her mother really and truly amaze me. I won’t forget seeing them in the waiting room, passing out homemade candy bars to everyone for Valentine’s Day. I also won’t forget how unashamed she is to go bald-headed everywhere, and I mean everywhere…Herman park, in the hospital and just about anywhere else. I rarely see her trying to cover her head. I would never be able to do that, I am far too self-conscious, and for this reason and many others, I really respect and look up to her. She is one of the people who give me a reason to not feel sorry for myself. I refuse to let self-pity take over while I see so many other people suffering far worse than I. I say that I refuse, but to clarify, it is definitely a conscious refusal. I have to remind myself all the time when I start to feel that dark cloud settling in over my thoughts.
People always tell me that I am handling this whole situation so well, but that is exactly my problem. I would say generally I’m pretty level-headed and take things in stride, but when I do have “those days,” I don’t talk about it. Actually, I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this whole situation in general most of the time, good day or bad. I have various theories on why I am unable to talk openly about it. First off, I don’t like the attention, I suppose I don’t know how to handle it—it makes me uncomfortable because I am so not used to being an object of pity. Second, I have far too much pride and I guess I don’t want to show weakness, so I put on a brave face and trudge right on through. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it because I do; it’s just the vulnerability that makes me so uncomfortable, thus making it hard to talk about this experience. I would guess though that in the future, when I am better and done, it will be a lot easier to talk about everything in hindsight. So now you know. I’m pretty surprised that I shared all that, but I guess that’s step one, right? Besides, it’s far easier (at least for me) to write rather than talk.
I don’t have that much else going on, but I will keep you updated on my hospital stay. Please pray that my nausea doesn’t get too bad this time around. Also, please continue to pray for my family as we are still separated; I know that it is hard for everyone.

Free At Last!

2009-03-03T09:04:00.000-08:00

I got out of the hospital on Sunday, but I forgot to write about it. I guess I was just too excited to remember to update. I'm on an oral antibiotic, am feeling great, and am almost 100% back to normal. yay!

Doing the Time

2009-02-28T11:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess first off I want to apologize because I’m not going to proofread this post. Sorry in advance for all the spelling and grammatical errors.
Once again I am sick. I’ve been told that I don’t keep people updated enough on these kinds of things, so I’m going to try to be better. Well, on Wednesday evening, I started feeling a little “blah.” I was home alone because my parents were both on highway 6, headed in opposite directions, one to Lorena and the other to Waco. Mom says that they like to wave as they pass each other on the road; that’s about all the contact they get these days. My dad got to Houston, and maybe two hours after he had arrived I realized that I wasn’t feeling the normal “blah.” No, this was a sick “blah”—Almost flu-like. We took my temperature, it was only 99.3 F. You might be thinking, “That’s hardly a temperature at all.” But when your white blood cell count is low, any temperature is bad. Here’s a little FYI for those of you not so scientifically inclined readers: white blood cells are the cells that fight off infection and are what keep people from being sick 24/7. A normal persons’ white blood cell count is supposed to be at 4,000, but mine was at 100. Anyways, I was NOT ready to go back into the hospital, so my dad and I decided to wake up 2 hours later and check my temperature. We sleep a couple of hours and at 3 o’clock my temperature is at 99.9 F. We probably should have gone then, but I (stupidly) was convinced that the thermometer was wrong. My reasoning was that I had an appointment at 7:30 a.m. anyways, so they could check it there and we could get my “real temperature.” (Note to readers: please don’t tell my doctor about this little episode, she might get upset with me) We woke up at 5 a.m. to take my temperature one more time, and it was at 101.5 F. We go to the Emergency Room at MDA, that’s where everyone goes when they have any kind of problem, so don’t freak out because I used the term “emergency.” They got me in, and started me on 3 different IV antibiotics. I haven’t had a fever since last night (Friday night), so that’s good I guess. Another good thing—my white blood cells have jumped from 100 to a whopping 300 and are continuing their slow upward climb. I saw the doctor today, and he said that I might be able to go home tomorrow. That was until I showed him a red/swollen lymph node (where white blood cells are stored). He looked at it and told me that I won’t be going home tomorrow. Bummer. As if missing one of my best friends 21st birthdays and Baylor’s SING (ALL of my friends are in it) wasn’t enough. I was supposed to go home on Saturday, have lunch with my friend Lauren (whose 21st birthday is today—Happy birthday Laurita!! Te quiero), then we were going to go to SING with some other people, celebrate her 21st after, and go to our church, Redeemer (which I miss so so much), on Sunday morning. Sadly, instead of being on the road, I’m in Houston writing this blog. Am I disappointed?? Definitely. But honestly, this whole experience has brought a lot of disappointment, and I’ve almost come to expect it. I’m just looking forward to April, but it seems that the more you look to the future, the slower the present becomes. The days are dragging a little bit, so I’m going to try to keep the “day by day” attitude.
I feel bad for the hundreds of patients who get sick a lot more than I do. I met a girl named Eliana; I’m pretty sure I wrote about her in a previous blog. She is in the hospital ALL the time with fevers. It’s people like her who remind me that although this sucks, it could always be worse. I’ve seen cancer patients stick skinny from their inability to eat (due to nausea), people whose faces and other body parts are mangled or just completely amputated, people so weak that they can’t walk at all and need a wheelchair AND somebody to push them. I’ve talked to a woman who’s had 2 different people change their mind about donating bone marrow. She was devastated. I’ve talked to people who have had cancer for years and people whose treatment just isn’t working anymore. When my dad and I arrived in the ER, there was nobody in the waiting room yet it took almost an hour for them to see me. We wondered why. When we asked the lady told us “We had two people coding, and they needed all of the staff.” My dad not understanding the hospital jargon asked what “coding” was, and she replied “it means they are being resuscitated.” In the most basic terms—they were trying to bring them back to life. All in all, I would say that being here at MDA has kept me grounded in respect to understanding that my situation isn’t the worst out there.
I wanted to write a little paragraph to my baby sister, Kolby. I doubt she’ll read this, but I’ll write it anyways—I’m so very proud of her. She’s only 12 years old, but she has lived the past four and a half months as the woman of the house. I know it’s been hard for her, but it’s almost over and hopefully life will become normal for her once again.
So that’s about it…I’ve run out of words and I have “chemo-brain.” (That’s my new excuse for everything…I’m so bad.)
I want to end with this thought. I believe that trials are God’s necessary way to shape us, teach us faith, strengthen us, affect people around us, ready us for the future and inevitably make us more and more like Christ. Although a lot of the time I definitely don’t feel like it, I know that God is doing His work in my life—the affects of which I may see now, in the future or that I may never see at all. Most importantly, all is in His plan, and in the end all will be for His glory. I’m going to end with this familiar verse
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. ----James 1:2-4

Round 6

2009-02-18T15:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I just got out of the hospital yesterday—a nice, long, 5 night stay at M.D. Anderson. I’m getting used to these little overnight stays as I’m about to finish all my rounds, just in time…right? I can’t stress enough how important good nurses, doctors and nurses aids really are. I have had some of the best nurses at MDA. For example, there’s sweet little Stephanie, who never fails to come in and talk with me a bit. Not to mention Susan, Tricia, Sara (a fellow Baylor Bear), Sarah, etc. They all say that I’m their “favorite patient,” but I think the truth is that they all like to be my nurse because I’m not sick. You have to understand that there are A LOT of pretty sick people in the leukemia ward, remember, horrible immune responses. All the nurses know where I go to school, that my major is nursing, and they’ve met my entire family. They genuinely care about their patients as they always ask me if I had to be hospitalized in between rounds. I once had a doctor, Dr. Nguyen, sit on my bed with me for 20 minutes or so and give me a list of places I needed to visit in California. This is pretty unheard of—doctors have SO much to do. Then on the flip side, you have the food and the horribly annoying pole with all the IVs, chemo, etc. Okay, to give MDA a little credit, the food really isn’t so bad. Actually, at first, I liked it. However, the more and more you have to go into the hospital and eat the food there, the more you associate the food they serve you with sickness and not feeling well, and then before you know it you just start feeling nauseous at the thought of eating it. I honestly can’t even walk by the cafeteria anymore, I have to hold my breath because it makes me feel so yuck. This last stay, my grandparents came, and they and my mom brought me dinner and lunch almost everyday. For some reason (this happens quite a bit), I could only eat bean burritos from Taco Bell. Weird, I know. I went through this before with cheese and crackers, and I literally couldn’t eat anything but cheese and crackers. And the pole…oohhh the pole…named “Stan” by my family. They plug you into it as soon as you get in, and it doesn’t come out until you get discharged. I guess you just have to take the good in with the bad—good people, bad food. I think I can handle it.
Like I said earlier, my grandparents stayed in our apartment in Houston and came to the hospital during the day to visit. On Valentine’s Day, they came in with a three foot heart balloon, a cake, pizza, letters, and lotion. We had a little party. Then my friend Paige and her sister Holly came to visit, we totally took advantage young adult room—“Kim’s Place”—where there’s an arcade, pool table, free drinks and popcorn, a movie room, etc. Overall, I would say it was a pretty good 5-day stay. Minus the difficulty they had with my lumbar puncture, yet again (they had the same problem last round during my out-patient LP). As you can see, I know all the terms and lingo of the hospital scene. You kind of have to if you want to know what’s going on.
Well the good news is that I should be completely done with my chemo around mid-April. I’ll be going to Dallas in the beginning of June to take a month-long nursing course. My advisor suggested taking it early to “lighten the load” a little. It’s going to be weird to be living back at home for a month and a half. The last time I lived at home for that long was the summer after my high school graduation. I’m looking forward to it.

Please continue to pray for my family and me, that God would give us the strength to finish this out.

My Sister and I for a Week

2009-01-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to update everyone on how everything is going post-hospital and what I’ve been up to the past couple of days. I finally got to go home after five days of chemo and two blood transfusions. Since then I have gone back for a day of outpatient chemo and another day for a blood test and appointment with Dr. T—the Queen. I’m not feeling too sick, minus head/back aches and some flu-like symptoms. I am not allowed to take Tylenol/Ibuprofen/Advil/etc because they “mask fevers,” so they gave me some strong pain meds. The pain meds put me right to sleep, so I usually just end up taking them at night and deal with it during the day.
My sister is still here from Portland, and even though she has to work on the computer during work hours, we’re still able to talk and hang out. When I got out of the hospital, I’m pretty sure we stayed in our pajamas the entire day until 5 p.m., and we only changed because we had to go to Whole Foods to buy fish for dinner. Lazy Lazy. We haven’t been able to do a whole lot outside of hanging around the house (which—oddly enough—we’re both accustomed to). We’ve been grocery shopping twice, something we both enjoy. Kari Ann likes walking down every single aisle—I find this hilarious. We went “shopping” at Marshall’s, but we didn’t buy anything other than face wash—not entirely unsuccessful I suppose. We also had one of Kari Ann’s friends over for dinner—Jed. He was hilarious, had some good tips for my California trip (which I’m still hoping will happen), and kept Kari Ann and I laughing the whole time he was here.
When I went to the hospital a couple days ago, I met a girl my age from Guadalajara, Mexico.
We both decided that she’s going to help me with Spanish, and I’m going to help her with English. Her name is Eli, she has ALL (acute lymphoblastic leukemia). For those of you who don’t remember…I have Lymphoma (obviously), but I am undergoing an ALL protocol/treatment. Needless to say, we had/have a lot to talk about as she’s been to Mendoza (where I studied abroad for five months) and absolutely loved it, and we’re on very similar treatments. Anyways, she’s living in Houston with her mom until June.
Kari Ann leaves today :( I’m sure she’s ready to go home to Bryan, and I’m also sure she’s had enough of my sleep talking (or whispering). She keeps telling me that I whisper in my sleep and that it’s really creepy. I’d like to say that it’s the chemo talking (literally), but according to my dad, it is in the Kayworth genes. Kari Ann was a good little nurse; she puts my shots out for me every morning and evening, makes sure I took my meds, and is just super attentive asking me all the time if I am feeling alright or if I need anything. She was worried that she wasn’t going to do a good job, but she was awesome. (Note to Kari Ann: I am going to miss you, and Bryan is so right—you ARE a wonderful cook.) Kari Ann and I weren’t always the best of friends. She’s three and a half years older than me; we’ve watched home videos, so I know that I was pretty annoying (and I’m sure that on occasion I still am). I used to call her “My Sissy.” Now that I’m technically an adult, I use a more mature-sounding “sister” when I address her. Our phone conversations usually begin like this: I yell (according to Kari Ann, I yell when I talk on the phone) “Hello sister…” and she replies “Hi sister…” My senior year we finally became friends, and now I would say she knows me better than anyone else. Kari Ann, being the goofball that she is, one time as we were walking around the high school track said “let’s make a pact, and we can be like blood sisters or something.” After a moment of thought I replied, “Kari Ann—we already are.” We laughed hysterically, which happens a lot when we’re together. We can be complete idiots when we’re together, and if people heard or watched us, they would probably think we were weird or maybe even a little crazy. That’s why I love my sister. She’s goofy and says the most random and crazy things sometimes, but when you need someone to talk to she’s wise and always has the best advice. She’s also not afraid to tell me when I’m in the wrong. I can’t count the number of times I’ve called her when I was upset and couldn’t talk to anyone else but her. She’s super smart—who keeps their job in New York City when they live in Portland, Oregon, even after two rounds of people being let go? She laughs a lot and can laugh at herself (one word for you Kari Ann—spines). She’s compassionate and selfless—I mean, come on, what newlywed leaves their husband for 10 days? By the way, thank you Bryan for sharing :) She’s beautiful inside and out. Bryan, you are one blessed guy, and I’m one blessed girl to have a sister like Miss Karolina Ann Tilson.

How to Reach Me

2009-01-02T06:53:00.000-08:00

Hey all! I've been told that my stingy blog is not letting people leave posts. If you want to drop me a line, you can e-mail me at kendallkayworth@gmail.com. I don't have any new news, besides the fact that I met two other people around my age! The girl's name is Tana, she's 25 and has AML again (acute myelogenous leukemia) after two years of being in remission. She's four doors down from me, and we've gotten to talk quite a bit. Then I met a 27 year old guy on my floor who has AML as well, and he has an incredible story. We got to talk for a while; he told me he was diagnosed right after he graduated High School, was told he had 2-4 weeks to live, and has never gone into remission (he's been fighting cancer for 9 years). I'm seeing that as bad as my cancer is, it could always be worse. God continues to be faithful and is answering prayers.
Love to all.
p.s. If you haven't read the longest blog ever from December 31st, then you need to. It's posted below.

My Life the Last Month

2008-12-31T13:08:00.000-08:00

To all my avid readers, I am sorry beyond belief that I have not updated in a month. The time has flown by since my last posts, and I don’t even know where to begin. I’m in the hospital right now starting my fourth round which is three weeks away from the halfway point. YAY, the end is in sight! I will be spending New Year’s Eve in the hospital with my dad and the wonderful nursing staff of MD Anderson. I’m a tiny bit disappointed by this, but you know, the sooner I start the treatments, the sooner I’m done. This is the type of attitude that my doctor—The Queen—likes, she likes fighters. Now don’t be fooled, I may appear to be this ultra positive girl (which at the moment I am), but up until two days ago I was really struggling. My dad and I were calling me “the Grinch” because I was just...let’s just say I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around. I think the past month has been the hardest yet and the past week and a half the hardest of all, and I haven’t been able to write a blog entry because I was so down and didn’t feel capable of putting my feelings into words. For that I’m sorry, but in hindsight, I think I can tell you now what was going on. I was struggling with my life and what it has become—never ending of in and out of the hospital, lots and lots of needles, days where I can’t talk coherently with people because my mind is not 100% there, days when I can’t eat anything but crackers, times when I have to lay down all day because I feel faint, days when my hands shake and I can’t hold things, days when I miss my family, days when I look in the mirror and feel ugly because I lost my hair and the steroids make me puffy, days when I worry that I’m losing all of my friends because I can’t talk to them or see them, times when I feel like I can’t talk to anybody, days when I feel like I’m not even Kendall Kayworth. Worse than that, I was really fighting God. I was just so upset with Him and confused as to why something like this had to happen right now. There are so many whys. Why now God? I was studying abroad, and I wasn’t able to go back for the last two months to travel with my friends in Argentina. I’m only 20 years old. I was supposed to start nursing school in January with two of my best friends, and one was supposed to be my suitemate. I’m living in Houston with my mom (who continues to be the best nurse in the world), and we don’t really know anyone here, although thanks be to God we are meeting people and making friends. It just doesn’t make any sense, and questions and doubts still circulate in my head all the time. What’s changing is that I’m beginning to see part of the bigger picture, and God has answered a few prayers in the past couple days that have really helped me to see that He is here with me in this mess. I know that the next three and a half months will be the same as the last two and half—at least physically, but the difference is that right now, in this moment, I feel an incredible peace about it. Perhaps part of it is the spirit of Christmas, the time spent with my family, feeling well physically, and my two answered prayers. However, I know that the main reason is because God is working in me, and he’s slowly revealing himself while chipping away at all my fears and doubts. I know this may sound a little crazy to some people, but I truly believe this, enough to base my whole life on it.
Now that you know what’s been going on with me emotionally (sorry for letting it all out), I think I should catch you up on what I’ve been up to the past month. This could be a long blog.
I am pretty sure where I left off in my last blog was after round two of chemo, and I had just spent Thanksgiving with my two friends and my family at the lake. After my two friends went back home to Colorado, I stayed in Houston with my mom for almost all of round three, we went home to Waco around December 22nd. Round three was not good physically or emotionally, and I am just going to leave it at that. I spent a couple blissful days at home recovering, attended my church’s Christmas Eve service and then my entire family packed it up at 9 pm and headed to my grandparents lakehouse. I have a confession to make. I was so excited about Christmas that I woke up four different times, once at 3 a.m., again at 6 a.m., then 7 a.m., and then finally at 9 a.m. I jumped on my little sister (who usually sleeps in until like 12 pm—what a waste of a day, but I guess I used to do that as well) and made her wake up with me. I was just like a little kid on Christmas morning, and Kolby (my little sister) laughed at me because I was so giddy. What’s wrong with this picture, the 20 year old waking up the 12 year old on Christmas morning? I then woke up my dad—I told you I was excited. Everyone else of course was already up, so we ate breakfast, drank coffee and hot chocolate, and opened presents all simultaneously for almost three hours. It was awesome, and I’m not exaggerating. For those of you who know me well, you know that I am “directionally challenged.” Ironically, my gift from my parents was a GPS system. Yay! I will never be lost again! I think it will come in handy when I go to nursing school in Dallas next August, and I know it will come in handy while I’m living in Houston because this city is ridiculously large. On the 26th, pretty early in the morning—6 a.m., my sister and brother-in-law flew in from Portland, Oregon. They came to the lake for the next day and a half, and then we went back home (Lorena home, not to be confused with Houston home) for another two days. It was so great to spend time with Kari Ann and Bryan, and I really enjoyed it, even though there wasn’t that much to do. I love my brother and sister, and I love seeing my sister so happy. Then on the evening of the 29th my dad and I came back to Houston. On the 30th, after a 7 a.m. and 10 a.m. appointment and lunch with two friends, I was checked into the hospital around 4 p.m. They started the chemo at 7:30 p.m., and I will probably be in the hospital receiving chemo until the 2nd or 3rd. Kari Ann, Bryan, my mom and Kolby are all coming to Houston on the 1st, but Bryan is headed back to Portland. I’m pretty bummed; I really like my brother-in-law, but Kari Ann is going to stay with me in Houston until the 9th! I guess I have a lot to look forward to because I was also promised a visit from my friend of nine years, the one and only Miss Amanda Reed. (Now you have to come, haha). Beyond that, I am looking forward to my birthday on Sunday, January 18th. God is so good! My 21st birthday falls on the second to last day of round four of chemo, and also Baylor has a holiday on Monday the 19th. I’ll be checked back into the hospital on January 20th. This means that I will a) be able to be home in Lorena for my birthday and b) feel physically great. Although I have a feeling my birthday won’t be the average 21st birthday — aka no alcohol, maybe one if Dr. T says its o.k. — I can’t wait to spend it with my friends at Baylor and my family.
The only other stories I can think to tell are about my answered prayers. So you know I was talking about how the past month has been exceptionally difficult, on the 30th God answered my prayers. I oftentimes find myself feeling alone, and I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about what I’ve been going through. It’s difficult to talk about having cancer and all the emotions involved when I know that people will never quite understand even though they will be sympathetic and encouraging. Cancer is just one of those monumental events in life that can only be understood by those who have personally experienced it. Anyways, I was on my in for my blood tests at 7 a.m. on the 30th, when I saw a woman I met through my ministers wife. She is in remission of ALL (acute lymphoblastic leukemia…I believe) and is in the final part of her treatments. Her name is Jennifer, and she is a wife and mother of three. She went through the same exact treatment as I am, she has the same exact doctor, physician’s assistant and nurse as I do, and she is a Christian. I met her in the hospital during my first round of treatments; she came into my room and introduced herself. We talked for a little, cried a tad, and she told me to call her anytime. I never did call her although the thought did cross my mind multiple times the past month. Thinking back, talking with her probably would have helped a lot. Yesterday morning I met a guy who is my age as well. His name is Ryan, he is a 21 year old student at University of Texas, and he will be coming to MD Anderson every Tuesday. Hopefully, I'll be able to be in contact with him. God is so faithful. Those are my two stories.
I think that about sums it all up for right now. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and will have a Happy New Year! XOXO

P.S. This blog is so long, and I really need to go walk around the hospital because I’m tired of being in my room, so I’m not going to proofread. Sorry if there are lots of spelling and grammar errors.

It's Been Awhile

2008-11-30T11:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is going to be a little bit more of an informative post. I realize I haven't posted in a pretty long time, and I need to catch everyone up.
Last Wednesday started round two of chemotherapy. I stayed in the hospital for four days, had some wonderful visitors--five to be exact, and basically passed the rest of my time reading the Twilight series. This hospital stay was probably 10 times better than the first one. I'm not sure if it was the type of chemo, more to do, visitors, one really good nurse who talked to me a lot, or maybe it was just the combination. Whatever the reason, I am so thankful that the four days went by relatively fast. As soon as I got out of the hospital, my mom and I drove to meet up with my roommates who finally arrived from Argentina! Yay! Over my stay in the hospital, my mom and our family friend, Jeannine, moved into our homey apartment. Our apartment is less than 2 miles away from the medical center, and it takes less than five minutes to get there. This helps a lot, especially on days like today when I have to be at the hospital at 7 am.
I went back a couple days after I was released for a full 13 hour day of out-patient chemo—lumbar puncture included. My roommates came with my mom and me to the hospital and were able to get an idea of my days in Houston, which aren't too exciting.
Thanksgiving at my grandparents’ lakehouse was great. We watched college football, read for hours, played board games and all of us played what was probably the most hilarious and entertaining game of Catch Phrase. We all laughed so hard—tears and snorting included, and my roommates and I still laugh about it. We also ate an ungodly amount of food; my grandma finds enjoyment in stuffing us like turkeys before sending us on our merry way back home. She’s extremely good at making you get seconds even though you feel like you couldn’t eat another bite. We had to cut our stay short due to another appointment, but it was still great to be with all my family and my friends, no matter how brief. I did miss my sister and brother-in-law a whole lot. My entire family was supposed to go to Tennessee for the break, but sadly that was impossible, another year perhaps. After leaving the lake, my mom, dad, little sister, two friends, family dog and I all stayed in our small one bedroom/1 bathroom apartment. We were packed tighter than sardines, or so the saying goes, I think. The following morning, mom left for Tennessee to be with Kari Ann and Bryan. Although hesitant to leave me alone (but my college roommates were and are still here), we were able to convince her that I would be fine for a few days. I promised I would take all my medicines, get up for my doctor’s appointments, wash my hands (which I always do anyways, remember that I am "germ conscious"), stay out of big crowds, and not try to do too much, etc. My mom is like my own little nurse, and I’m not going to lie I was a little nervous when she left. (I miss you mom). Thankfully this round of chemo has been so much easier than the last, and I haven’t felt sick at all, maybe tired for a couple of days. Kolby (she called herself the junior college girl this weekend, it was really cute) and dad left the same day to head back to Waco, and that left my roommates and me alone in Houston.
Since it’s just been the three of us, we’ve been watching a lot of Grey’s Anatomy, cooking dinner, scrapbooking, reading, playing Disney scene-it, and going to Starbucks and movies. It’s the first time since October 8th that I’ve felt normal. Not just physically, although I do feel great, but more importantly I feel more like me. I think it’s the fact that Emmy Jo and Kara are crazy and super entertaining. We are all three pretty ridiculous in our own ways, and when we’re together we laugh all the time. I love it. I don’t know how many times I’ve said it, but I’m going to say it again, I have the best friends in the world.
My doctor told me last week that there was a chance I would need a blood transfusion today. I had to be up at the hospital this morning for blood tests at 7 am, and thankfully everything is looking good. My counts are on the low side but are still in the good range.
I was a little surprised because Dr. Thomas told me that this round would be harder than the first and that I would more than likely have lower levels than round one. On Tuesday I have another appointment and hopefully Dr. T will tell me everything looks good so that I can come home for a couple of days. I’ll definitely post as soon as I know if I can.
I'll write again soon.

CANCER FREE!!!

2008-11-18T17:18:00.001-08:00

Where to begin, with a title like that, the only place really is from the beginning? All last week I knew I was going to have a second PET scan (the scan that shows where the cancer is in the entire body), and to be honest with you I was worried. I had a spot of cancer on my vertebrae in my first PET scan, and I envisioned myself being told that it had spread to my spinal cord (not good, at all). I knew that this was not highly likely, but definitely possible. I terrified myself by thinking of worst possible scenarios, never a good idea. You’re mind can’t help but wander in times like these. Anyways, walking into M.D. Anderson this morning, I felt strangely calm, and I know now that God was giving me His peace. I suited up in my scrubs that were two sizes to big, was injected with radioactive material, waited/rested for an hour for the injection to circulate through my entire body, and was finally told to lay down with my hands above my head and my legs straight. I was slowly passed through a scanner. It took about 20 or so minutes. Thankfully, I was able to stay still (I’m not very good in enclosed spaces). Two hours later, I was called in for my doctor’s appointment. My mom was with me. The physician’s assistant came in, a smile playing on her lips. Halfway through going over my blood work, she happily said, “I only have good news for you today.” I think I knew then. She then handed me a piece of paper that in the center read “scan demonstrates complete response to therapy” and then with a huge smile said, “you are cancer free.” I looked at my mom and we both smiled. Surprisingly, I didn’t cry. My tears might have brimmed a little, but mostly I was just smiling. I wanted to hug her, but I refrained. My PA (her name is Lori) almost started crying, and searched unsuccessfully for tissues. After she left, my mom and I, still smiling, hugged each other and sat silently waiting for my doctor. My doctor, who I just found out is the number one expert in her field in the nation (I knew she was smart, but man…praise the Lord she is my doctor), came in grinning as well. Dr. Thomas told me that this was the best case scenario, and that it is a good sign. She seemed very happy, and I know that when Dr. Thomas is happy, then I can be ecstatic. She then went over the next round of chemo with me. Yes, don’t be surprised, I still have to finish ALL of my chemotherapy treatments. She told us that I have to finish it out because at this point the cancer can and probably would come back, so I have to endure the next 7 rounds/5 months, more or less. Actually, knowing that the cancer is gone is going to make this SO much easier. I can now tell myself when I’m feeling crappy that I’m cancer free because the chemo is working and will continue to work. Dr. Thomas also told me that after I’m completely done with the chemo, I’ll have to come back for regular tests for a year, and if I go a full year without the cancer returning I will be 100% cured--the cancer I have (or had) will NEVER come back. I’m being admitted tomorrow, I’m not sure exactly when, but now I’m more ready than ever. I never thought I’d say this, but I actually can’t wait to get in the hospital. Weird…Anyways, that’s what happened to today.
I think I should say as well that God really has answered a lot of prayers. I know that so many people have been praying, and God has been/is listening. All I can say right now is that He is good, He is the Great Healer, but most importantly God has been and will continue to remain faithful. I know that I am now cancer free, but please continue to pray for the next five months, this chemo regimen is not easy and really takes a lot out of me. Please pray that God will keep me healthy, keep my body strong, and keep the cancer from coming back. Love you all!

Praise the Lord. He is our battle-shield. He is our Redeemer.

Dr. Deborah A Thomas

2008-11-15T08:38:00.000-08:00

I wrote a post a while ago talking about my doctor, "The Queen." I was doing a little research last night and decided to look her up. This is what I found. This woman is ridiculously good at what she does. YAY for me!!!
Check out Dr. Thomas with the web address below.
http://www.mdanderson.org/departments/leukemia/display.cfm?id=C646F102-D121-11D4-80FD00508B603A14&method=displayFull&pn=0F815FDC-C623-11D4-80FB00508B603A14

Home Sweet Home

2008-11-14T00:17:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to write for a long time, but it seems that having nothing of importance to do actually makes me not want to do anything at all. I kind of like it. This is probably the first time in my entire life that I haven’t had any obligations whatsoever. I’m not in school, I’m not in any kind of organization, I don’t even have a hobby--yet. I’m enjoying it for the time being, but I think after a while I might go a little crazy. I mean, a person can’t sit in front of the TV all day without their mind turning into mush. I’m about to begin my new hobby—reading, I LOVE reading.
I came home last Friday and spent the evening and following morning/afternoon with my best friend, who drove in from College Station to see me even though she had two tests and two projects due the following week. Since then, I have had sorority sisters come out to my house, coffee and dessert with the ladies from church, lunch with friends, and just loads of visitors, phone calls, letters, and e-mails. It has been a tremendous encouragement—tremendous. God is faithful and continues to bless me with the joy of friends and family.
I know in my last post I talked a little bit about losing my hair. Well I have a little bit of a funny story. Last Sunday evening, five of my Baylor friends came out to my house in Lorena to stay the night. After going to a late showing of High School Musical 3 (yes…real mature), we all thought it would be a great idea to dye streaks of blue into our hair. At 1 am, the girls and I go out on the back porch to start the process of bleaching our hair. We wait about 30 minutes or so for the bleach to set, we put the blue in. Another 45 minutes of waiting and laughing hysterically passes. Girl number one sticks her head under the faucet of my tub, but as massive amounts of dark blue dye slushes around in the tub, we realize that it probably isn’t a good idea to dye my tub along with our hair. At this point it’s around 3 am and pretty chilly outside—probably in the 50s. We decide it’s a way better idea to go outside and stick our head under the hose to rid our hair of this foul smelling blue dye. Yea…we are in college, but we’re apparently not too bright. It was so cold, and we’re all outside standing under the hose, semi blue-headed and soaking wet because my hose is a little on the strong side. Lucky for me, I had my head shaved the next day, but those poor girls will have blue streaks in their hair for the next 8 weeks. I have great friends.
This has been a week of rest, and I am so glad that I was able to come home. I’m heading back to Houston on the 17th, which I believe is Monday, to start round two of my treatments. I’m not 100% sure that I’m ready, but I know that the sooner I get started, the sooner it will be over. My dad and friend/pastor keep reminding me to take each day as it comes. If I start to project too far ahead, I scare the geez out of myself. I honestly think that’s how life is in general. When I took my first Anatomy and Physiology class, I would make myself ill thinking about how many tests I had left or how many days I was going to need to study for the next test. In my second A&P class, I trained myself instead to think daily—today I’m going to study. Thinking too far ahead is stressful, and stress really just makes things worse.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6:34

Early Sunday Morning Reflections

2008-11-09T03:22:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 5:30 am--this is NOT a normal thing. Ask any of my friends or better yet, my roommates from college, and they would tell you of my angry, not a morning person, don’t even think about waking me up even if I tell you to the night before, stories.
Not too much new information since last Wednesday. I'm finally home :) What a gigantic relief to be able to sit on the couch with all of my family (well, minus Kari Ann and Bryan) and watch a football game.
Now, if I were still in Argentina, which I would have been until the 13th of December, I would be traveling with my friends right now to all kinds of interesting places. That’s a tough one. I think I might actually prefer sitting around with my family to the 34 hour bus ride that my friends are currently taking. Girls, I know giving up the last 2 weeks of your traveling time was a bit of a messy ordeal, but it’s something that I will never forget—never.
Yesterday, reality hit me like a big slap on the face. As I ran my fingers through my hair, I couldn’t help but stare at the globs remaining in my hands. I mean, I knew this day was coming. As a matter of fact, I knew it was approaching rapidly, but I just didn’t realize that even something like losing your hair changes normal life. Maybe it’s the fact that I will actually look like a cancer patient, there’s no more denying it. And okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic. I’m not too upset by the fact that I’m going to be bald here soon. In fact, I’m actually enjoying hat shopping probably a little too much at the moment. I bought a super cute one from Target yesterday, my friend Amy is giving me one at church because apparently “I will love it” (and I’m sure I will), and my creative Ammy from North Carolina is already making me a couple. I feel a tad bit pampered and extremely loved, but I’m not complaining J I’m pretty sure I have the most supportive family, church and friends that a girl could ever ask for, and I do feel blessed every single day.
New plans for Christmas—each year my family goes to south Florida for the Christmas holidays. It’s been a tradition every since we moved to Texas when I was in 3rd grade. This tradition has only been broken one time in the past, but it seems that this year, my family will break tradition yet again. As I said in my post from last week, planning anything extensive is just not possible right now, so the best we can do is “plan” on staying close to home. I’m actually pretty excited about it because my sister and brother-in-law are going to be coming down to visit, and I cannot wait to be surrounded by the people I love the most! I know that sounds cheesy and all, but I think it kind of comes with the territory.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).
How deep is the grace of Christ that when we don’t know how to pray or what to say to God, He does it for us

Giving Up on Making Plans

2008-11-05T22:15:00.001-08:00

I must admit, I'm a little bit of a control-freak. I like planning, I like a written schedule, I like a time-line, I just love knowing or atleast thinking I know what my future holds. Reality check, I can't even make plans for my weekend because everything is continually changing, from doctor's appointments and results, to different events, to making time to see or just stay in touch with family and friends. It's just frustrating the living daylights out of me that my life at the moment is a big fat Question Mark ??? Where will I be this weekend, next week, next month, next year? I thought I knew. I had this perfect plan for myself: Argentina until December, then nursing school in January, New York after graduation, etc. etc. This has all changed for the time being, and my life has moved in a little bit of a different direction.
So now that I've vented a little, I'm going to tell what I'm learning in all of this. I don't know what the future holds. Heck, I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow. The only thing that I do know, and that I can 100% trust in right now is that God is in control. He is making straight my paths. He is the best planner--way better than I could ever be. He is good, and He has His plan that is in His time and is for His glory.
The more I give my life to him, the more peace I feel.
This is just a little something that I thought I should share briefly.

Exciting News

2008-11-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

Today, I had bloodwork in the morning, an appointment with Dr. Thomas, and chemo. We left the house at 7:45 am and didn't get back until 6:45 pm. It was a pretty long day. Dr. Thomas told me that my platelet and hemoglobin counts are good right now, but my neutrophil (the defense against harmful microbes) is in the red zone. She said that they should be recovered by Friday, but until then, I will mainly be staying in our room in an attempt to avoid any type of illness. When I do go out, I have to wear a medical mask and gloves to ward off bacteria. I really just have to stear clear of large groups of people, which is just asking for trouble. Also, I have been taking an antibiotic, antiviral, and two antifungals daily, so that should help as well. They really don't kid around about this stuff. I'm kind of laughing now about the statement I wrote in an earlier post, "I will have to become more of a “germ freak” than I already am—let’s hope I don’t become too OCD." Remember that one? Yes, I already have a tendency of worrying a little too much about germs and am occasionally called a "germ freak" by members of my family and close friends. Just ask my best friend, Amanda, who in middle school (and yes, high school, we were obviously so mature) would without fail stick one finger in my bread, corn, applesauce, or some other food item on my lunch tray. She knew I wouldn't eat it because of her "germy" hands and loved watching me get mad or just exasperated. However, for future reference, I prefer to be called "germ conscious," or even "germ aware" would be fine. Back to the doctor's appointment. She told us that since my WBC count should (should being the key word here) be recovered on Friday, or at the latest Tuesday, I can come home to Waco until the 18th of November, on which day I will be re-admitted for another 4 days of in-patient chemo. The doctor told us that this rarely happens and that we should take advantage while we have the opportunity to go home. A whole week at home! What a blessing!! We have been living out of our small suitcases that we brought weeks ago, when we thought we would be commuting to Houston for treatments--not living in Houston permanently. We are going to be able to go home, relax, and pack for the months ahead. I am just praying that everything works out, and that nothing big will happen to keep us in Houston. So this is the exciting news. God keeps giving me great things to look forward to that are helping me to await the future with more than just uncertainty, but with excitement and joy. For example, I'm seeing Amanda this weekend, I'm going home, Thanksgiving at my grandparent's lakehouse, Emmy Jo, Kara and Lauren are coming home from Argentina early to spend two weeks with me in Houston, Christmas in Florida with my family, my sister coming to Houston for a visit, my 21st birthday in January, and I'm sure that He has more great things in store.

A Perfectly Uneventful Weekend

2008-11-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

The weekend was such a refreshing break, and I am happy to say that as predicted, I watched football, spent time with my family, and ate my Omi's mashed potatoes--they are the best in the world. We lazed through the weekend with no major problems and few minor ones. The two that were encountered were actually pretty funny, and I am going to try to give them both justice in a quick recount of the events. My mom and I left Houston for the lakehouse (a 2 and a half hour journey) at 1 pm or so on Saturday afternoon. After about 45 minutes of painful stop-and-go traffic driving, we stopped at a Sonic to get something to eat. "Mom, we got all my medicines, didn't we?" Why I didn't asked this 45 minutes earlier, I still don't know. My mom sat thinking for a minute, a second later in a highly exasperated voice "I forgot your heparin flush!" Heparin flush is a liquid injection that my mom shoots into the catheter in my chest daily to clean it out. It's a pretty important step in my daily routine. Now to my moms credit, I didn't help her at all in the packing of the car, and it was an easy mistake that I could have definitely helped to prevent. Thankfully, the hour and a half extra in the car was thought of as little more than a comical mishap shortly after. On Sunday evening, I asked my mom to change the dressing over my catheter. It's supposed to be changed once a week, and there is like an 18 step completely sterile process to change it. It's kind of a pain, but since the catheter leads into one of the major veins close to the heart, it's kind of important to keep it clean. So anyways, after my mom had cleaned the surface of the countertop, slowly taken off the old bandage, carefully cleaned the wound, and re-covered it with new gauze, she looks for the special type of bandage to put over the gauze and it is nowhere to be found. After this 20 minute process of slow and sterile cleaning, I'm sitting on the chair with only gauze over these holes in my chest. Come to find out, all of the supplies for the dressing change came in the package that we received from the hospital, everything that is EXCEPT the bandage. It was late and the lakehouse is out in the country, so there was no hope of going to a pharmacy. My mom, the creative mind that she is, made due with Glad clingwrap, white medical tape and bandaids. We will be changing this make-shift bandage as soon as we get back to Houston. I can't help but laugh whenever I think about it; me sitting in a chair watching while everyone is frantically searching for some sort of bandage. The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, but uneventful right now is good. I have decided that my mom and grandma are the two most servant-hearted people that I have ever met. They really find joy in serving other people, and I can really see Christ in them. So if you are reading this mom and Omi, I want to say thank you because I don't think I say it enough.
My dad brought me a box of various letters and a couple packages that were all sent to my house in Waco. I feel so blessed to have the love and support of so many people. Thank you again and again--I can't say it enough.
A prayer answered--After 5 days of tirelessly searching, my mom and I have an apartment and will be moving in on November 18th. We are both so excited to have a "home." It is very close to the hospital, close to some fun shopping (this could be trouble, j/k dad), and just plain beautiful. There's a work-out facility, pool, lake, entertainment center, business center, and everything you can think of. God is good and is continually providing.
Tomorrow I have out-patient chemo, three different types; one will be new and the other two I've had before. Please pray that my body responds well to the chemos.

Thanks for all of your prayers :) I am one blessed girl.

A week since the beginning--

2008-10-30T05:42:00.000-07:00

So you were probably wondering, where in the world is Kendall? Have no fear, I have been slightly drugged up since I came out of the hospital and therefore not fit to right a proper blog. I tried a couple of times, but every time I would re-read it, I would be so confused by my own ramblings and thought chasing. Tuesday afternoon I was released from the hospital—or rather the looming fortress that controls my every movement. I felt such a sense of freedom, no IV’s, no tubes, no remote control airbed, and no chemo. However, I did feel the toll that the chemo (aka poison) had taken on my body the past 5 days. Those of you who know me, know that I am by no means frail and am actually inclined to contact sports and “horsing-around.” Leaving the hospital, it was all I could do not to pass out while transferring from the wheelchair to the passenger seat of my mom’s minivan. The rest of the day and Wednesday were kind of a whirlwind between light-headedness, nausea and just plain fatigue. Needless to say, it was a hard past couple of days, and yes sadly, there will be more days like those throughout this six month ordeal. I did however have a visit from my Uncle Tim which helped make the day go by faster, and of course, it’s always good to see family.
If you’re starting to feel a little sorry for me, you can stop now because today I woke up feeling great—in good spirits and in good health. I went into MD Anderson at 8 am for some blood work. Then at 10:30 am I had an appointment with my doctor. I feel like I should take a moment here and give Dr. Debbie Thomas a little introduction. Dr. Thomas on first site is a petite woman in her mid 40s, with dark graying hair, and very sharp features from her nose to chin to her small and highly intellectual eyes. You can just tell by meeting this woman that she is “the boss.” She has this aura about her that she knows what she’s doing—not just an aura, I think she actually is the best. This woman is incredible, when nurses ask me who my doctor is, and I say “Dr. Thomas,” they all get this look in their eyes, and they really make sure that they are on top of everything, and I mean everything. One nurse even called her “The Queen.” Anyways, I was at first a little intimidated by her because she is undoubtedly brilliant, but sitting in the office with her also made me feel protected in a way. When she told me that this lymphoma would be “a six month glitch in my life,” I definitely was relieved especially hearing it from her because I don’t think she would sugar-coat anything. She is definitely a demanding presence, but I know that she cares for her patients and I am so so thankful to be under her hawk-eyed care. Back to the actual doctor’s appointment, Dr. Thomas told me my WBC (white blood cell) counts looked good so far. I did have high bilirubin (has to do with the liver) and low potassium levels that will be getting checked again this Saturday. So far, so good. After that, I had a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) with a chemo injection. Sounds pretty horrible, right? Yea, it would seem so, but they give you relaxing medicine and numb up your back with local anesthesia (which is actually the part that hurts) and it only ends up being an uncomfortable 10 minute process. After that they make you lie on your back for a good hour or more so as to avoid excruciating head-aches, which I have not had. I was surprised when my mom entered the room with a good church-friend of ours, Amy Drake. The hour went by quickly, and it was so nice to see a familiar face in a place where everything is so foreign.
My mom and I have been searching for apartments because the place where we are living right now is more of a “temporary” lodging. It’s like a very nice hotel room, but I think for six months we are going to want something a little bigger and with a kitchen for sure.
I am excited to say that I will be going to my grandparents lakehouse for the weekend to relax. Actually, I think it is probably more for the benefit of my mother. Poor thing, she’s a trooper. (I will devote a future blog just to my mom.) I plan on watching lots of college football, eating my grandma’s mashed potatoes, and just spending time with my family, which is hard to come by these days. What with my mom and me in Houston and my dad and Kolby in Waco, but my family is strong, and I know that we’ll be able to stick it out.

I will try to be more diligent in my entries. I promise :)

Sleepy Sunday

2008-10-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

The upside of the day: two of my friends from Baylor (both of which are from Houston), stopped by my hospital room after lunch and brought me a movie, a magazine, Sudoku, and an awesome Christian CD (compliments of E. Eddy's mother). Larkin and Elizabeth's visit made my entire day, thanks girls :) Today was also the first day that I actually felt affected by the chemotherapy. While the girls were in the room, the nurse brought me some anti-nausea medicine, and right after they left, it knocked me out for 3 hours. I'm talking like I couldn't even open my eyes knocked out. When two of my best friends called me from Argentina, I don't even remember what I said to them (so sorry Emmy and Kara!!). Today, God showed me a couple things, one that my life is on hold/or just completely turned upside down, and two that everyone else's lives will and should continue whether or not I am there. It's a pretty humbling realization--we are such a self-centered people.
Tomorrow I start two new types of chemo--Day 4: (In-patient) Doxorubicin for 24 hours x 1 dose, Vincristine x 1 dose. Please pray that my body will react well to the chemo, and that God will give me energy to stay healthy.
I love receiving everyone's messages. I check them every day (and yes when I'm bored, 2 or 3 times a day), it brings me a lot of joy to hear from you all :) So thank you

To Answer a Question...

2008-10-24T18:53:00.001-07:00

Some of you have been asking for my address in Houston. We don't have a permanent home as of right now, but hopefully by the beginning of November we will have an apartment down here. As soon as we move, I will definitely inform you.

For the time being, if you want my address in Lorena, it's 5005 southwinds drive lorena, texas 76655. My dad will be coming down a lot, so whatever you mail there he can bring to Houston.

Love,
Kendall Faith

This Hospital just DOESN'T Sleep

2008-10-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

As I had written in my previous blog, my expected time of admission into the hospital was supposed to be 2 pm. My mom and I arrived on time at the admissions office, only to be told by the front desk that the hospital was at 105% capacity. Is that even possible? A little frustrated, okay maybe very frustrated, my mom and I drove back to our temporary living arrangements. We got the call at 8:30, the women said, “You have a bed, but there is someone in it right now.” Hmm….those of you who know me or worse my mother can guess the reaction on that one. But the lady on the other line saved herself by adding after a brief silence, “come at 9:30 and we’ll be ready for you.”
At 9:30 I was admitted and taken up to my small hospital room. Right away all these sweet little workers were taking my vital signs (blood pressure, temperature, pulse), extracting enough blood to feed a family of vampires, and were just in and out of the room. About an hour later, a man came in to put an IV on the side of my arm. By that time it was about 12. My mom and I dozed off in the room until around 2 when my nurse came in to start my chemo treatment. She started to explain to me about the chemo, its side-effects, etc. but I’m pretty sure only 20% went to my brain because I was so ridiculously tired. From 2 am until 5 am, there were three different nurses in and out of our room, taking vital signs every fifteen minutes (to make sure I didn’t have a bad reaction—which I didn’t) and of course drawing more blood. I know that there were some points when they had to physically move my arm to put the blood pressure band on it (I was so tired I couldn’t figure it out myself, yea, I’m goofy). The finger pulse taker fell off my finger probably 10 times and the little nurses had to get it for me because yet again, I was too drowsy to know what was going on. Anyways, I didn’t really feel any side effects with the first drug of the night, except maybe a slightly runny nose, sneezing, and itchy throat. After 3 hours of the first part of my chemo regimen, the nurse started shooting me up with a saline, antibiotic, and a nausea medicine. At 8, my nurse came in again to start another type of chemo, which took twice as long. When that had finished, around she put in more stuff, I’m not sure what it was, but whatever it was its still going to this very moment. Between the hours of 8 am and 8 pm, I had a CVC (central venous catheter) put in my chest (something that I never want to have to do again but probably will); an X-ray to make sure the catheter was positioned well into the vein, and a spinal tap to get some cerebral spinal fluid. Now, 8:15 pm, I will be taking another 3 hour round. After that, I'm thinking a good nights sleep is in order, but this hospital just doesn't sleep!!
I'm doing better than I thought I would be doing. Then I think, 6 months of this???? But when somebody posed this question to me, I thought twice. "You're giving up 6 months of your life to have the rest of your life." That's how I'm looking at it. A one step at a time kind of attitude. I say all this now, but its technically only been 24 hours since I was admitted. So, please pray for me that I can continue to have confidence that Christ is doing his will and also for the strength that only He can give. Thank you to all :)

Just call me a Houstonian

2008-10-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

The test results given by Dr. Anderson
o My blood tests, bone marrow biopsy and heart tests came out well, no cause for worry
o My PET CT scan showed cancerous cells on my left kidney, left clavicle bone, 7th vertebrae, right side of the pelvic bone, and of course my neck. It is normal for the cancer to be spread out since I did have high-grade (fast-growing) lymphoma.

He concurred that I have Burkitt-type Lymphoma, but told us that the cancer cells are very similar to the cancer cells of leukemia. Since the type of Lymphoma I have and Leukemia are treated the same way (with the same type of chemo), Dr. Anderson transferred me to Dr. Deborah Thomas, who is a leukemia doctor. She told us the same exact thing as Dr. Anderson. She also told us what my chemo regimen will be like:
8 cycles (5 to 6 months)
Each cycle is as follows:
o 5 days of hospitalized chemotherapy with two spinal taps during this period
o 14 days of rest
o During days of rest—3 times each week I will have blood tests in the hospital to make sure my blood counts are not too low.

My parents and I asked the doctor in her opinion if we should have the blood tests done at home in Waco. She told us that in all honesty it would be better to stay in Houston to have it done; her reasons being the quality of care, the high likelihood of a need for blood transfusions (which they are easily equipped and capable of doing at MD Anderson), and in case of emergency. Needless to say, my parents have already found my mom and me a permanent apartment less than 10 miles from the hospital to stay. I will be able to come back to Waco for 3 to 7 day intervals, depending on my blood count. I am also, thankfully, allowed visitors whenever I want, provided that they are not sick. The chemotherapy will be knocking my white blood cells down and I won’t have a lot of resistance to illness, so I will have to become more of a “germ freak” than I already am—let’s hope I don’t become too OCD.

As of right now, I start my chemo treatments this Thursday, October 23rd and will finish on Monday, October 27th. Sadly, I will miss Baylor homecoming, pigskin, etc, but I am definitely there in spirit :)

Thanks again to all of you who care enough for me to read this blog and pray for me and my family. I will try to keep everyone updated. Please continue to pray—God really does answer prayers.

The Timeline

2008-10-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

Cordoba, Argentina--July 2ish, 2008
While on a trip to Cordoba with my dear friend Lauren Brown, I felt a small lump below my jaw bone, to the right. I'm not a hypochondriac at all, in fact, I'm far from it. So when I randomly felt it one day, I didn't really think anything of it.

Mendoza, Argentina--July 28ish, 2008
I woke up one morning after a long night out with my friends to an incredibly swollen and very painful bump (or rather, third cheek) on my face. It was so inflamed that my host-mom, Sylvia, took me to the emergency room that day to get it checked out. They gave me an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory, the swelling went down a little after three or four days, but it remained a well-defined ball on the right side of my face.

Mendoza, Argentina--August 4ish, 2008
My dad came to Mendoza to visit, needless to say, he was pretty concerned at this random growth. Since he was there, and I was his un-official tour guide, I wasn't able to go to the doctor again until after he left.

Mendoza, Argentina--August 14ish to September 25ish, 2008
I went from doctor to doctor to doctor in Mendoza; I was thoroughly frustrated at the slowness of their health care system and missed the efficiency of U.S. hospitals. This should give you an idea of the pulling and tossing the doctors did to me there. The first doctor sent me to another doctor to get blood work done. So I went and had my blood drawn, the next day returned to the first doctor but after looking at the blood work results, he thought it was an abscessed tooth. He sent me to a dentist. The dentist sent me to a different doctor to get an x-ray, who then sent me to a different doctor to get a different type of x-ray. I then went back to the dentist with the x-rays, and he told me it wasn't a tooth, so he sent me to another doctor. I went to the general practitioner who told me it had to be a salivary gland, so he sent me to get get an x-ray of my kneck and lower face. I took the x-ray back to the doctor. The findings were inconclusive, so he sent me to an ear/nose/throat specialist. The specialist told me it was for sure a stopped up salivary duct, so he sent me to get a needle biopsy (which are about 30 years out of date in the U.S.) and an ultrasound of "the bump." The needle biopsy just showed a bunch of different types of white blood cells. The new specialist then sent me to a different ear/nose/throat specialist who made me have yet another needle biopsy. By this time, I had been calling my dad about everyday, venting and telling him how slow it was going and how frustrated I was. I told him I just wanted to come home to have it taken care of but at the same time I didn't want to leave early. My dad and mom made the executive decision to change my flight to New York (for the 4th of October) to go to Dallas/Fort Worth on July 27th. I went to the second specialist on the 25th just to see the results to see if they had figured anything out, but the specialist told me that the best idea would be to return to the U.S. Thankfully, my parents had made the right decision and I told him I was already going home in two days. Confusing, right??? And the worst part is, you have to pick up all of your own test results from every appointment, and bring them to other doctors to have them analyzed. It's not like in the U.S. where the doctors can fax them, email or mail them.

Dallas/Fort Worth, TX--September 28, 2008
I arrived back to my sweet home of the U.S. of A!!!

Waco, TX--September 29, 2008
I had my first consultation with Dr. Jim Tandy--an ear/nose/throat specialist and family friend from church. He sent me to Providence Hospital to have blood tests and a CT scan.

Waco, TX--September 30, 2008
Tuesday, we went back to Dr. Tandy's office to see my results. He told me it was not my salivary gland, but actually a lymph node. What had taken over two months in Argentina to figure out had taken a total of two days. Dr. Tandy scheduled me for a biopsy, not a needle biopsy like the did in Argentina, but an actual sliver biopsy where they would put me under, cut a 2 inch slit under "the bump" (yes, I have a pretty sweet scar), and take out a large enough piece to get better results. He told me that there were many things it could be, more than likely some sort of virus or infectious disease i had picked up in my travels. He did tell me that there was a slight chance that it could be lymphoma--or cancer of the lymphatic system, but the odds of this were very slight.

Waco, TX--October 1, 2008
Dr. Tandy performs the biopsy. He told my mom that the results should be back by next Wednesday at the earliest--exactly a week away. He also said that what he saw was three very large lymph nodes, which could be a sign of an infectious disease that had taken hold of them, or lymphoma. I woke up from the anastesia, groggy and sore as heck, but excited that it was over and I was headed towards an answer and a solution. As well as New York City for my sister's wedding.

New York, New York--October 3, 2008
Arrive in NYC for my sister's wedding.

New York, New York--October 8, 2008
My dad calls from Texas to tell my mom, sister and I that the biopsy report was back and that I have lymphoma.

New York, New York—October 8 to 11, 2008
We prepared for the wedding. My dad made an appointment for me with an oncologist in Waco, and at the urging of Dr. Tilson (my brother-in-laws father), he also made an appointment at M.D. Anderson in Houston.

Waco, Texas—October 14, 2008
I went to an oncologist in Waco the very next morning that I got back from New York. He told me that I had high-grade, type-B, non-Hodgkins lymphoma (aka Burkitt's Lymphoma). He told us that only 5% of all lymphoma patients are diagnosed with this particular type of lymphoma, and that because it is so uncommon (but not necessarily worse than others), it would be best for us to go to either Dallas or Houston to a bigger hospital asap. Yet again, by the grace of God, we already had an appointment in two days.

Houston, Texas—October 16, 2008
I had an appointment with Dr. McLaughlin, who is specialized in Lymphoma. He was extremely nice and a little quirky, which as you know, I myself am a bit quirky, so naturally I really liked him. After, I had blood taken for some testing, a chest CT scan, and then a pelvis and abdomen CT scan.

Houston, Texas—October 17, 2008
On Friday I had a Cardiac scan and a Bone Marrow aspiration/biopsy (a very strange and slightly painful testing).

Waco, Texas—October 17-19, 2008
After the testing, I returned home for the weekend to spend some time with my family and my two best friends from High School.

Houston, Texas—October 20, 2008
I had a renal ultrasound, resting EKG test, and a PET CT scan. I don’t expect everyone to know what the tests mean, but basically they are doing all these tests to have a base to compare my future test results with for when I am in chemo. Also, some of them will tell us if the cancer has spread.

Houston, Texas—October 21, 2008
Meeting with Dr. Anderson to get the results at 3:00 pm. We will also discuss my chemo regimen, its schedule, its effects, etc. I will definitely update as soon as I can on Tuesday evening.

I DO INTEND ON KEEPING THIS UPDATED BECAUSE I REALIZE THAT THIS IS THE EASIEST WAY TO GET THE FULL STORY OUT TO EVERYONE WITHOUT BEING ON THE PHONE OR COMPUTER ALL DAY :)
I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR YOUR CONCERN BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY YOUR CONSTANT PRAYERS. I ENJOY READING YOUR EMAILS, MESSAGES, TEXTS, ETC. THEY REALLY DO GIVE ME COURAGE AND HELP TO KEEP MY ATTITUDE POSITIVE.
THANKS AGAIN!

love,
Kendall